Democratic Citizen: participate in Society
I am a democratic citizen. And I'm trying to be a conscious citizen. First, I have a curious about our society and I want to know how our society structure and how people act. So I always read newspapers, magazines and a lot of books. Through these efforts, I can recognize our social issues, think reasonable, and make my opinion. I often express my opinion by writing on the internet or talking with my friend. Second, as a citizen, we should participate in our society problems. There are many social problems like economy, labor, welfare, etc. So, I can express our opinions through actions. If the governments does not act for the people and also does not solve social problem, I should be able to resist this situation. In 2012.3.30, I participate in Tuition Struggle to cut university tuition which is very high and make pressure to many families in South Korea. I and many people can express people's voice by protest government. Third, I have a social responsibility. I take a ballot like parliamentary election and president election. And I donate my blood for those who are in sick and need my blood. Attention of the society can change the world through these actions. I will think reasonable and express my opinion so I will be a conscious citizen.
Hello, Jae-hun. This is Takgyun!
ReplyDeleteThrough your paragraph, I could see three aspects of you. Your point seems to introduce yourself as a democratic, social-participating, and social-responsible person.
But while the paragraph should be focusing on yourself, it was more like leading article. I think expressions such as 'we should~', or 'I will~' didn't fit well to the introduction essay. On behalf of them, you can add your previous experiences to back up yourself. And I couldn't catch the meaning of 'democratic' for the first time. It will be much better if you find a better word which describes your personality better.
I liked your concrete experiences such as participating in Tuition Struggle, or donating blood. Those sentences were good examples to support your characteristics.
Nice paragraph :) See you in class!
Hi, Jae-Hun! I’m Hyen Joo.
ReplyDeleteYour main point is that you are a democratic citizen. So, I think your topic sentence is ‘I am a democr atic citizen’. I could find it easily because you mentioned it clearly. It was really good. Also, what I liked about this writing is that there are lots of specific examples which are related to your main topic; something like ‘Tuition Struggle’. I think it really made your writing more understandable. But something that wasn’t clear to me is the word ‘Democratic’. Because there are lots of meanings in that word, I think it would be better if you mention about the part which you are exactly in as a democratic citizen; not just in title. Anyway, I like your paragraph because there were many examples which showed you that you are definitely one of the democratic persons. Also, there was a concluding sentence which restates your idea. Your supporting sentences were relevant to your main point. Good Job!
Conscious Citizen: Participate in Society
ReplyDeleteI am a democratic citizen who is trying to participate in society, and I'm trying to be a conscious citizen. First, I have a curious about our society and I want to know how our society structure and how people act. So I always read newspapers, magazines and a lot of books. Through these efforts, I can recognize our social issues like ROK-US FTA or social problems about irregular workers (Precariat), think reasonable, and make my opinion. I often express my opinion by writing on the internet or talking with my friend. Second, as a citizen, I can participate in our society problems. There are many social problems like economy, labor, welfare, etc. So, I can express my opinions through actions. If the governments does not act for the people and also does not solve social problem, I should be able to resist this situation. In 2012.3.30, I participate in Tuition Struggle to cut university tuition which is very high and make pressure to many families in South Korea. Many people and I express our voice in the city hall square by protesting to government. Third, I have a social responsibility. I take a ballot like parliamentary election and president election. And I donate my blood for those who are in sick and need my blood. If I make a lot of money in the future, I would like to built a library in my hometown and donate my money to give students a scholarship. Attention of the society can change the world through these actions. I’m trying to think reasonable and express my opinion so I’m a human-being who wants to be a conscious citizen.