Grand "Mother"
I called my grandmother "mom" until the age of 7. I really thought she was my mother because she raised me until then. My mom went abroad when I was roughly 2 years old and my grandmother took care of me instead. We are so close I dare say I'm her favorite. Of course she loves all of her grandchildren but things are quite special with me. She only has 4 sons but no girls. Living her entire life with five men in her house made her grow cravings for a girl. And there I am, the first girl born of her grandchildren. She raised me for 7 years and we still live together, this makes us feel so attached to each other. Also she made basis of who I am today. When I was young she always told me how to behave, I grew up watching her. It's nothing to be surprised to see me resemble her personality so much. Such things like being bold, caring, and looking up for the greater goals might be the examples. I love her so much and I think she's the most important, and my favorite family member.
Hi, I am Kim you jin. i think your main point is your grandmother is your favorite relative because you have been raised by her. i agree with you very much because i also liked my granmother very much. your words like attached, close show how much you love her and how important she is for you. however, i think it is better to add more examples about why you like her most. of course i understand why you choose her the favorite relative, if you add more detail merits of her personality you mentioned above, it will be more explanable. for exmple, you can add what is your specific goals that resemble your grandmother or what is CARING you mentioned. thank you very much. see you !!
ReplyDeleteHi, Min Kyong! I’m Hyen Joo, and this is my feedback of your writing.
ReplyDeleteI think your main point is that your favorite relative is a grandmother. So I think your topic sentence is “I love her so much and I think she’s the most important, and my favorite family member.” What I liked about this piece of writing is a structure. I think the way you start your paragraph is very good. It wasn’t common and tedious. Also, your writing ha s a unity. I couldn’t find the sentences which aren unrelated to your main point. But what I like to change about this writing is that there are not many examples why you like your grandmother most. Actual ly, there was a reason why you like her, but it wasn’t enough. It would be better if you add more detailed reason why you like her. Anyway, I think your writing is good because I could feel why you choose your grandmother as your favorite relative. It was interesting, and touching.
Thank you, and see you next time!
Grand "Mother"
ReplyDeleteI thought my grandmother was my mother until the age of 7. So I used to call her “mom” and people always asked me why I’m calling her so. She took care of me because my mother went abroad when I was roughly 2 years old. So my earlier childhood memories are filled with her. For instance, I used to play hide and seek with her a lot and she always knew where I was. But she always looked somewhere else, so I can be thrilled. She only has 4 sons but no girls. Living with 5 men in her house made her crave for a girl. And there I was, the first girl born of her grandchildren. She raised me for 7 years and we still live together, this makes us so close to each other. I live in the fifth floor of a building and my grandparents live in the forth. Every morning I go down to say good morning and ask how they are. Mostly my grandfather leaves house early so it’s always just me and her. We talk a little bit and then I’m off to school. Since I grew up watching her, she’s the one who provided the basis of who I am today. It’s nothing to be surprised to see me resemble her personality so much. Such things like, being bold and getting into everything. I once wrote about myself getting involved with many things, and so does my grandmother. She even has more power pushing things forward. These could detail the similarity between me and her. I love her so much and I think she’s the most important, and my favorite family member.